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STAR TREK LOST EPISODE
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"Mr. LaForge, have you had any success
with your attempts at finding a weakness in the
Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to
access their command pathways?"
"Yes, Captain. In fact , we found the
answer by searching through our archives on
late Twentieth-century computing technology."
"What the hell is
'Microsoft'?"
"Allow me to explain. We
will send this program, for some reason called
'Windows', through the Borg command pathways.
Once inside their root command unit, it will
begin consuming system resources at an
unstoppable rate."
"But the Borg have the ability to
adapt. Won't they alter their processing
systems to increase their storage capacity?"
"Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows'
detects this, it creates a new version of
itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of
resources increases exponentially with each
iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
quickly enough. Eventually all of their
processing ability will be taken over and none
will be available for their normal operational
functions."
"Excellent work. This is even better
than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
. . . . 15 Minutes Later . . . .
"Captain, We have successfully installed
the 'Windows' in the command unit and as
expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
resources. We however have not received any
confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."
"Our scanners have picked up an
increase in Borg storage and CPU capac ity to
compensate, but we still have no indication of
an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again
and determine if there is something we have
missed."
"Sir, I believe there is a reason for the
failure in the 'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg
have circumvented that part of the plan by not
sending in their registration cards.
"Captain we have no choice. Requesting
permission to begin emergency escape sequence
3F . . ."
"Wait, Captain I just detected
their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
"Data, what do your scanners show?"
"Apparently the Borg have found the
internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and
it has used up all the CPU capacity."
"Lets wait and see how long this
'solitaire' can reduce their functionality."
. . . . Two Hours Pass . . . .
"Geordi whats the status on the Borg?"
"As expected the Borg are attempting to
re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and
storage demands, but each time they successfully
increase resources I have setup our closest deep
space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows'
modules from something called the 'Microsoft
fun-pack'.
"How much time will that buy us ?"
"Current Borg solution rates allow me to
predicate an interest time span of 6 more
hours."
" Captain, another vessel has entered
our sector."
"Identify."
"I .....
"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES
OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE
POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE
IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN
AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"
"The alien ship has just opened its
forward hatches and released thousands of
humanoid shaped objects."
"Magnify forward viewer on the alien
craft"
"Good God captain! Those are humans
floating straight toward the Borg ship with no
life support suits ! How can they survive the
tortures of deep space ?!"
"I don't believe that those are humans
sir, if you will look closer I believe you will
see that they are carrying something recognized
by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather
briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"
"Lawyers!!"
"It can't be. All the Lawyers were
rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in
2017 during the Great Awakening."
"True, but apparently some must have
survived."
"They have surrounded the Borg ship and
are covering it with all types of papers."
"I believe that is known in ancient
venacular as 'red tape' it often proves fatal."
"They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
"Turn off the monitors. I can't stand
to watch, not even the Borg deserve that."
================
E.O.F.
(Courtesy Compuserve - Coco Forum)
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